Dating In High School

I don’t know how unique this is for most students, but I’m speaking as someone who has
been in two long-term relationships throughout their high school career. Neither of these
relationships worked out, as I’m going into college very single. However, I wouldn’t say these
relationships were a waste of my time or that I regret them. While both relationships caused a lot
of pain, both of these guys also made me happy and led me to grow in ways that only
heartbreak could force. This piece documents what I learned from these relationships.

My first long-term relationship lasted about ten months, and we began dating in May 2020. What
a time. We met over quarantine, where he messaged me out of the blue. I always thought he
was cute and that he seemed nice enough. Indeed, he was a solid guy, and we were great
friends. But in hindsight, we should have stayed as just that. While we had good banter, we
were incompatible in crucial ways, which should have stopped us from dating. Of course, I was
still figuring out what I wanted from a relationship, and what he had to offer was not what I
wanted. After a while, I fell out of love. The work ethic I fell in love with began to feel mundane
and uptight. I respected his drive, but at some point, it felt like he wouldn’t prioritize me over his
work and image. We showed affection for each other differently. From him, I learned what I
wasn’t looking for in a romantic relationship from him. There wasn’t anything he could have
done differently, but we weren’t going to work out and that was that.

It took a while for me to date again, more than a year. I spent more time developing my
friendships, personality, and self-worth, and I thought I was ready. My second relationship lasted
nearly a year; in fact, we broke up less than two weeks before our first anniversary. I fell for this
guy hard, harder than I had ever fallen for anyone before. While he was not my first partner, I
truly believe he was my first love. In my eyes, he was the most beautiful man on the planet. Of
course, he had flaws, but I loved him even more for them. He loved to learn, worked hard, and
knew to loosen up and have fun. He had all the qualities I dreamed of. At the same time, our
relationship was rough. I had a lot of issues I failed to resolve during it, and those problems
often reared their heads when we fought and hurt each other. Eventually, he left me, saying that
as much as he loved me more than anything, he couldn’t keep hurting himself while waiting for
me to heal.

I don’t think anyone has taught me more about love than him. He taught me never to
settle and set the bar for how I should expect to be treated. He taught me what I was looking for
in a partner and showed me what it means to love someone. At the same time, I also learned
that I had so much work to do when it came to loving and forgiving myself. There was not one
revelation, one singular thought I could have that would fix everything. I learned that if I was
going to change, I had to want it more than anything and put in the work to change. I had to
answer the most uncomfortable questions for myself. What makes me happy? Who am I? When
will I be ready to let go of baggage? My last partner was my “right person, wrong time”; we
found each other at different points in our lives and journeys. Namely, I hadn’t reached the same
level of security he was at, and probably won’t reach that place for a while.

I’m not here to give a final verdict on whether you should or shouldn’t date in high
school. These are just some of the things I’ve learned about myself, and I hope these insights
resonate with you.